An Open Letter to Myself About Weaning

The bonding is the most magical thing I have ever experienced. I stare into her eyes and she stares right back into mine. I play with her tiny hands and marvel at how anything could be that perfect. 

Even as she gets older, bigger, and heavier; nursing her is still my favorite thing. There is no tantrum or boo boo that can’t be solved with a little bit of Mommy's milk. The way it has bonded us and soothed us both, has been more powerful than I ever expected. 

I know it has to be soon, when she will latch and stare into my eyes for one last nursing session. One last time that she will climb into my lap and request “milkies”. 
We both know it, but I don't know if I am ready for it. This is all we have known since she was born. 

If I am being honest, sometimes I have wished for this day to come. So many nights of constant pulling on my nipples, of craving for my body to be left alone. Sometimes with resentment setting in and having to find a way to remember our nursing journey as happy, instead of a burden. 

I try to think about the early days, when I fought so hard to exclusively breastfeed her. I think back to tickling her back and watching her laugh so hard, she unlatched. To the moments when her soft hands would brush my cheek and she would smile. These memories get me through the times when I wish she would just wean.
No matter what happens I will always treasure all the moments of our breastfeeding experience. 

I look forward to her asking me, as she nurses her first baby, "Will I ever have my body back? Will this baby ever stop nursing? and I'll reply "Yes dear, and it will be too soon. Even though you crave your body to be left alone now, you will miss every second of it." 

I know that one day soon my darling girl will no longer want to nurse, or I will wean her. I haven’t decided. 

But until then, I will enjoy every beautiful, difficult, up all night, just needing “milkies”, time that she gives me. 
Knowing that no matter when her last nursing session is, it will feel too soon.

 

By: Brittany Siler

National Administrator for Nationwide Nurse-In